


Are you going to eat that raw?

by iamtheegg



Category: Bill Nye the Science Guy, Hell's Kitchen (US TV) RPF, Realicide - Grej (Web Series)
Genre: Cannibalism, Cooking, Gen, Platonic Relationships, Post-apocalyptic AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 11:47:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29525931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamtheegg/pseuds/iamtheegg
Summary: Darwinist is having a normal day in the forest he viciously defends, when he runs into a stranger who, unbeknownst to him, will change his life forever.
Relationships: Darwinist/Gordon Ramsay
Kudos: 10





	Are you going to eat that raw?

**Author's Note:**

> Gordon Ramsay is probably out of character it's hard to write dialogue

Darwinist wished they wouldn’t scream so much. Not that he felt bad for them, but it was annoying, as if they thought they could convince him to stop. Oh well, now he had food for another week or so. And more hearing damage. The usual.  
But as he dragged the mutilated corpse across the field, he heard a voice: “Are you going to eat that raw?” The voice sounded British, cold and calm, but with a hint of anger.  
Strange. Generally what was left of society knew not to mess with him. Guess I’ll have some extra food, he thought, walking over to check out the source of the voice. In a nearby clearing stood a tall, jacked blonde man in a white shirt. Darwinist thought nothing could scare him, but that man stood with such an air of determination and well-earned pride that he felt like fleeing for the first time in years.   
Quickly Darwinist rained in his instincts, muttering “Don’t let him scare you, idiot!” before striding up to the man, trying to seem equally intimidating. “Who are you and what the hell are you doing on my turf?” he snarled.  
The blonde man didn’t even blink. “First answer my question.”  
“What--”  
“Are you going to cook that, or eat it raw like a plebian?” His eyes narrowed slightly, and Darwinist’s blood went cold, before running hot with rage at this stranger who thought he could scare the closest thing this pathetic world had to Duke Nukem off his own turf.   
“Damn right I’m going to eat this raw, I’m not some cuck who needs to cook shit. Meat is meat. Now answer my question!” He was almost shouting.  
“I’m Gordon Ramsay. Guardian Angel of the kitchen. And I cannot let that happen. This forest may be your territory, but food is mine, and I am dedicated to protecting this Earth from all crimes against cookery.”  
“This Earth? Look again, soyboy, there’s not much left for you to protect. And I’m not about to listen to some freak who calls himself a guardian or some shit. Go back to your spaghetti or whatever shit, in case you haven’t noticed, the whole damn planet’s gone to shit, and most people can’t get food let alone cook it.”  
“Oh I’ve noticed alright.” The man-- Gordon Ramsay-- took a step forward, and Darwinist strained his willpower to not back up. “The apocalypse hasn’t endangered me; no, it’s freed me.” The ivy wall that was his face cracked a bit, into a British smirk that was somehow scarier. “No more rules, only my strong internal code of honor. Now nothing can stop me from fighting for the good of all edible events on my own terms.”  
Darwinist wasn’t sure what to say. But no way was he going to let this guy see him stammer. After a few seconds of glaring, he spoke. “Fine. You can, uh, cook it or whatever. Just don’t stay for too long."  
Then, like the break of day after a long arctic winter, Gordon Ramsay smiled. "Alright. Which way is your house?"


End file.
